I’m going to generalize here… guys think that hard and fast is best. It’s what they see in porn and how they learned to masturbate. While hard and fast has it’s time and place, this section is about learning… to… slow… way… down… and… really… savor… every… single… nuance. And boy oh boy are there some amazing sensations there to be discovered! Orgasmic Meditation, or OMing, is a deliberate practice of stroking the head of the clitoris very, very slowly and very, very softly for 15 minutes. OMing is very helpful for learning to communicate what you need and want in terms of genital touch. I’ll describe this practice with a cis-gender, heterosexual couple, woman receiving touch and the man giving touch however, this practice works for all genders with all genital configurations.
If you want assistance adjusting this practice to work better for you, please reach out.
To get started, you will need some supplies (a goose neck light, clock or timer and your favorite lube) and to set up the nest (a yoga mat laid out with a hand towel in the center, pillows at the head and either side of the towel and some blankets.) The position is you, the receiving woman, undressed from the waist down, laying down with feet together and legs butterflied and supported by pillows under your knees. Maybe a blanket to keep your top half and left leg warm. The giving man is fully dressed and sitting up (maybe leaning against a wall, couch or headboard) with his left leg over your abdomen and right leg under your right leg or to the side of it.
First, he notices and verbally admires your pussy/yoni/vulva under the light, commenting on her colors, textures and shapes… anything he notices. Then he sets a timer for 15 minutes and says “I am going to place my hands on you now.” He grounds you by pressing his palms on your inner thighs for a few moments before moving into stroking position. His right thumb is pressed at your introitus or perineum and fingers under your bum for grounding. His left hand pulls back your clitoral hood and then, with his lubed up index finger, strokes the upper left quadrant of your glans clitoris head in an upwards direction. Use enough lube but be careful not to get lube on the hood otherwise it’s difficult to hold back.
During this time, you communicate exactly what you want with simple statements (slower, softer, faster, firmer, more up strokes, more down strokes.) He can also ask simple Yes/No questions (i.e. would you like me to press firmer?) If you say no, he knows he is doing a good job and keeps going exactly as he has been. You just breathe and feel the sensations of his finger on your clit. They may be tiny sensations at first, especially after a fair bit of vibrator use but this will help you regain sensation.
Feel whatever feelings comes up… could be joy, anger, sadness, grief… anything, just feel it fully. Don’t avoid any of it. It is totally normal to cry through a few sessions. When there are 2 minutes left on the timer, he tells you there are 2 minutes left and asks if you would like to switch to downward strokes which can have a more calming effect. When the timer is up, he places his whole hand over your whole pussy and applies some grounding pressure while you each share favorite frames or highlights from your experience. He wipes up any excess lube or juices and you verbally thank him.
Then put your panties and bottoms back on. Snuggle. Talk. Do dishes. Go to a meeting. Anything except move into intercourse or sexual activities (wait at least an hour, preferably longer.) Do this as a daily ritual. Schedule it in. Plan ahead for the whole week so it doesn’t get missed. Your nervous system will feel safe and relax, your pussy will feel safe and relax, you will get even better at listening to your body and it will bring you two closer together.
Most women report feeling more alive and turned on after the first week or two, and libido generally returns around week 3 or 4. Men usually report feeling more connected to their partners and grateful to be included in such an intimate experience… it’s like playing doctor or discovering ancient caves of mystery! Pussies have lots of personalities and expressions that almost no one sees. They are pretty amazing and love to be worshiped and admired!
Enjoy the exploring and the intimacy it creates!
Slow Sex by Nicole Dedone